Monday, June 25, 2012

Smoother than Silk pt 2 (Grey)

So I decided to continue Smoother than Silk, though it is on Literotica as Grey, that name makes more sense with the rest of the story.  This is very, very unedited.  I will probably edit more tomorrow so I can put it on lit.  But here is the preview.  I hope you like it! Even if it is rather (really) strange :)

Carol was not in the barn.  Neither was she in the garden, or the main sitting room.  As I wandered through the house searching, I found myself noticing how beautiful it was.  I had been there long enough to explore, but I had spent my time sulking.  That and avoiding Grey with all my energy.  As broken as I felt, I also felt free.  There was nothing else for me to lose.  There were no dates I could be late for, no elders breathing down my neck.  The more time passed the calmer I felt, even with the itch growing with every passing moment.  I found I wasn’t even upset with Grey.  Or even really with myself.  I had made a mistake.  It was my fault so why should I be upset with him; he had only done what I had asked.  As for myself, there was nothing I could do about it now, so why worry.

I finally found Carol in one of the sun filled reading nooks.  She looked so engrossed in her book I hated to disturb her, but all too soon the itch forced me to speak.

“Hi, I hate to bother you.”  Carol looked up at me slowly; she didn’t look at all surprised to see me.

“I wondered when you would come find me.”  I was the one who was surprised.

“Why- how did you-“

“How did I know you touched one of my iguanas?  Because, Alex, moments after you stopped behaving like yourself.  I was unsure until breakfast, but there it was obvious.  I would be surprised if anyone didn’t notice the looks you were giving Grey.”  I blushed.  This is what I didn’t want.  People to know.  I knew Carol wouldn’t tell, but if she had noticed, more people were bound to.

“I couldn’t- I mean I didn’t mean to touch it, I just did, just a bit!”  I couldn’t organize my thoughts but I knew I didn’t want her to disapprove of me, but the look in her eyes suggested it was a bit too late.

“I questioned the intelligence of taking you with me from the very beginning.  I thought I hadn’t done well, then you proved me right.  I’m just lucky it was just a little touch.  Though with the control you didn’t show, I’m surprised you are standing here now- with all your clothes on.”  I blushed harder.  I felt a bit dizzy.  The combination of embarrassment and uneven blood flow making me sway on my feet.

“It wasn’t too bad.  I mean I can control myself.”  Well now I could; who knew how long it would last.

Carol looked pointedly at my hand, the nails still a bit bloody.  Then her eyes lifted to my neck and the marks that were sure to stand out on my pale skin.

“Oh really?”  Carol had always been blunt, but she was usually nice to me.  I had really disappointed her.  My one supporter had disappeared.

“Will you just tell me how to make it go away?”  I knew if it took much longer I might cry, or worse, run back to Grey.  For a long moment Carol didn’t answer.  I was about to give up and find some corner to cry in until the itch got too bad to bear when she again looked up from her book.

“If I tell you, you have to promise to listen better in the future.  There are things here that are much more dangerous than fire iguanas.”  I nodded eagerly. 

“You will probably need Grey’s help.”  I frowned and began to ask for another way, but never got that far.  “You need someone familiar with the land and plants, you could ask someone else, but do you really want to explain your situation?”  That was a good point, but why couldn’t she help me?  The frown remained.

“Alex, all I have done is do you favors.  I have given you excuse after excuse and all you have done is take, and ignore what I tell you.  This is the last thing I am going to do until you earn some more trust.  You do have to return favors to get more here.  Maybe where you come from you get things for nothing.  But that is going to change.”  I nodded.  She had a point.  Even if I didn’t like it.

“Come back with Grey, I don’t trust you to remember my instructions.”  My blush returned with a vengeance.  How was I supposed to talk to him after all I had said- done?  How could I ask for help after running away?  “I won’t wait for you all day, so you might want to get going.”  Well I had to get this fixed.  No one had died of humiliation as far as I knew.


Grey was still sitting on the bed, looking at his hands.  Less time had passed than I though.  I closed the door as quietly as I could, but it didn’t seem to matter, Grey didn’t respond, even when I called his name.

“Grey!”  I asked again and again.  There was never any response.  Finally I gathered enough courage to tap him on the shoulder.  He jumped and stared at me like I was a ghost.

“I- umm, need your help.”  I couldn’t hold his gaze for long, especially because the itch was becoming a tickle, and he smelled so good.  I couldn’t resist leaning closer.  Each breath made the tingle worse.  Making it back to Carol and following her instructions with the steady increase of feeling was not going to be fun.

“You don’t hate me?”  I shook my head at Grey’s question.

“Nope, I don’t even hate myself, not anymore.  I think, well- I think that it was just what I needed.”  I blushed harder.  My blood must be getting a workout, traveling from below the belt to my face so many times.  It was surprising I hadn’t passed out yet. 

“Really?”  Grey sounded so unsure.  I felt bad.  I really had been a dick.

“Yah, and I actually wouldn’t mind doing it again.”  I sank to my knees before him and looked up through my eyelashes.  I watched as if from far away as I leaned in for a kiss.  I would never do something so bold, and yet that was what I was doing. 

As out of character as it was I kind of liked it.  I felt free, who knew inhibitions were so restricting. 

Grey kissed back, but gently- like I would run away.  I couldn’t blame him but I wanted more.  Carol could just wait a little longer. 

Finally Grey pulled my shirt over my head, I hissed as my shoulder muscles stretched.  I was sore everywhere.  He paused but I slid my fingers under his shirt, careful to touch only with the pads of my fingers.  Grey finally got the message.  He slid from the bed to kneel with me. 

This time there was no frantic grabbing.  The itch was still there, but it seemed content for us to take our time.  I wondered for a moment if maybe this was Carol’s plan, but that thought didn’t last long. 

Grey began kissing down my neck; he was taller than me so soon he was pushing me back, my back arched, testing the flexibility between my vertebrae.  It felt amazing, the stretch and Grey slowly tasting every inch of my skin.  His lips on my nipples left me gasping, but it was only a brief touch, soon he was moving on: to dip his tongue in my bellybutton, to nibble my hipbones.  I found myself holding my breath, silently begging him to go farther.

After an eternity Grey began to pull the soft fabric of my pants down, slowly, so slowly, so I could feel each thread brushing my skin.  When I thought I would go insane with impatient want he flipped out positions and placed me on the bed.  I looked down at his flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips.  He looked more perfect than anything I had ever seen.  There was nothing I would change if I had that power.  We stared at each other, admiring our effect on the other.  The very idea that I could cause such a reaction in another person was amazing to me, that someone as perfect as Grey would want me, lust after me, and like me- because there was more than lust in his gaze- completely floored me.

I was lost in his eyes, the beauty and the curiosity.  Suddenly I wanted to know everything about him.  Not just his history, but also his every thought feeling.  I wanted to look into his mind, find what drew him to me, what made him put up with me, what put that look in his eyes.

“You are so beautiful.”  He whispered, startling me from my adoration.  “Always, but especially now.  I could never claim you as mine, you are so much more.”  How was he making sentences?  I tried to come up with a response, but couldn’t, I decided a kiss would have to do.

It went on forever, and I wished it could continue forever, but the itch was getting continually worse, and it wouldn’t be satisfied with kisses.  I wouldn’t be satisfied with kisses.  I pulled my lips away from Grey’s and looked into eyes hazy with lust.

“I need more.”  I whispered.

“Anything” He answered and pushed me back.  He pulled away, and I was inhaling to protest when he stood to remove his pants, anything I was going to say was lost in the glory of his body.  I had never been too impressed with any renaissance statue, he reminded me of one-but he was so much better, so flushed, so alive.  I opened my legs and arms sighing when he settled into me, I relished every inch of his skin against mine.  Yet still it wasn’t enough.

“In me.”  I whispered clinging to his beautiful shoulders and arching to feel the full length of him more fully against me. 

“Aren’t you sore?”  I nodded

“I don’t care, I need you- please!”  I still didn’t raise my voice.  I didn’t need to.  One of Grey’s hands drifted from my hip to slip between my legs, I arched further to give him room.  The first touch had me gasping, in pain, yes, but so much pleasure.  It was made even sweeter by the pain.  Grey smiled down as he slipped a finger inside.  I smiled back.  As much as I needed him my mind was still clear.  This was how I wished the first time had been. 

Grey pulled away again, I watched with wide eyes as he pulled open a drawer and came back with a small bottle of oil. 

“This time there doesn’t need to be pain.”  I nodded and pulled him back to me.  He took one of my hands in his free one and kissed the tips of my fingers.  “Be gentile with yourself.”  Any other time I would have blushed, but my blood was otherwise occupied.  I only nodded.

Grey took his time spreading the oil, on himself and inside and outside of me.  It was the most delicious feeling.  It was smoother than any oil I had ever felt, and smelled almost as amazing as Grey.  I tried to make a mental note to ask what it was, but that was the moment Grey began to push inside.

It hurt more than I expected, but also felt better than anything.  Grey looked down at me and we locked eyes.  It was the closest I had ever felt with anyone, I felt like nothing this perfect could be real.  I wrapped my legs around him and tucked my face into his neck.  The connection was too much.  I didn’t want to move, ever.  I just wanted to feel Grey around me, inside me, forever.  He murmured in my ear, not words but reassurance all the same.  I could feel him trembling, his hips fighting not to flex, to push inside me.  I kissed his neck and forced myself to relax.

The first full thrust took my breath, the next made me scream.  I tried to be quieter with the next, but I couldn’t keep the sensation in my mind, each time the perfection of it surprised me.  Grey’s hands moved to support me, one behind my head and one behind my hips, lifting them to the perfect angle.  He pressed kisses to my face, never in the same place.  I never wanted it to end. 

All too soon the blinding pleasure began to change, to grow.  I opened eyes I didn’t remember closing to see Grey looking down at me.  I guessed I he had never stopped watching.

“It’s okay to let go.”  He said in my ear, then took my lips in a kiss quieting the whimper I let out as my orgasm began.  It was too much to suffer alone.  Luckily I took Grey with me.  I was only dimly aware of his rhythm faltering as the world disappeared.

I was aware of nothing but sensation for a long time.  The first thing that made is into my mind was the feeling of Grey still inside me, rocking gently.  Then I became aware of the violent spasms that still rocked my body.  I opened my eyes slowly, and found Grey’s had finally closed.  His lashed brushed his cheeks so gently; I didn’t want them to move.  I wanted to feel them against my face.  But all too soon he opened his eyes.

“You okay?”  He asked still whispering.  His voice was slightly horse, I wondered if he had been as loud as I was.  I nodded.  Finally as the shakes faded, he stopped moving.  He wrapped his arms tightly around me and flipped onto his back.  The movement sent one last shiver of pleasure through my body.  If there was any more I was sure I wouldn’t survive it. 

There was no need for words.  We rested, feeling each other’s heartbeats begin to slow until we slipped into sleep.


I woke surrounded by the smell of Grey.  My eyes opened slowly and I catalogued the aches settling into my muscles.  I listened to the sound of Grey’s breath in my ear when finally I remembered.

“Oh god!”  Grey was awake in a moment.  I strained my neck to look at him.  “How long did we sleep?  We have to find Carol.”  Grey didn’t know how long it had been, so we forced ourselves to get up.  We didn’t bother cleaning up, just pulled our clothes over our sweaty skin.  I tried not to think of what else was drying under the soft cotton.  I might have been more relaxed than before.  But I still didn’t want to think too closely about the ache and wetness between my legs.

We hurried as quickly as we could to the alcove I had found Carol in, luckily she was still there.

“Well, it took you long enough.”  She spoke without looking up from her book.


“Well I guess you were busy.  I retain that your self control is not the best.”  I blushed.  Grey took my hand.

“I don’t mind.”  He murmured in my ear.  My blush darkened.

“I suppose you want to know what you need to do to get rid of the poison.”  I nodded.  Wasn’t that obvious?

“First you need to find the blossom from a natural magnolia….”  The list went on.  The ingredients seemingly normal, but the combination strange.  When we had heard all the instructions I looked up at Grey, he looked uneasy.

“What?”  I was getting impatient.  Apparently sex didn’t fix all my faults.

“How long do we have to finish this?”  He asked Carol.  I was slightly upset he had ignored me, but it seemed to be the right question.

“It is best if the cure is given within 24 hours.”  I blinked.  How long had it been?

“And if it is not?”  Grey continued.

“Well, it just works less, there might be some lingering effects.”  I couldn’t live with this forever, we would have to hurry.

“Well, we better go then.”  Grey tugged my hand.  I fully agreed, but I did call out a thank you to Carol.  I had a feeling I needed to remain on her good side.

I started mixing the dried ingredients in a huge mortar and pestle and Grey went to get the fresh ones.  I felt much more comfortable mixing things that were labeled, and I had no idea where things were in the massive garden behind the house. 

It took almost two hours to assemble the ingredients.  Hopefully it wouldn’t take too long to assemble them, the mixture was supposed to sit for 6 hours after finishing and it was already dark outside.  It had been very early morning when I had first touched the iguana, and time seemed to pass differently here.  It seemed like days ago that I had been in the barn watching Trixie fight with the bulls.  It had been a long day, but all in all a good one.  I smiled at Grey who was just coming inside with an armful of vines, leaves, and blossoms. 

“I really hope this cure doesn’t make you hate me again.”  He said seeing my expression, my smile didn’t falter.

“I never hated you.  I was just really scared, and well I’ve done what I was scared of.  So what’s there to loose?”  Grey didn’t return my smile, his expression told me he thought there was plenty to lose. 

Working with Grey to assemble the mixture was almost fun.  We worked mostly in silence.  There was so much I wanted to learn about him, but we had a lifetime to figure that out.  I had time to get my words straight in my mind.  So much had changed, and I hadn’t begun to think through it all. 

When they were almost done Grey began to hum.  It sounded like a lullaby, it was unbelievably sweet.  And time seemed to slow. 

“There are so many things I want to share with you.”  Grey stopped his tune suddenly.  He stopped mixing to look right at me.  “So many places I want to show you, songs I want to sing to you.  I hadn’t let myself hope.  After that first night I gave up on ever having the little things with you.  I knew you would have to come around a bit.  But just now I realize, all those things are possible.”  He let out a laugh.  It was the happiest sound I could imagine.  “Now, suddenly, I can plan the next week, next year- it feels amazing.”  And here, mixing up the seemingly random items next to Grey, I too could imagine it. 


The calm could only last for so long.  Just as I began sifting some sort of flour over a mix of honeysuckle nectar the door opened.  In swept Grey’s mother.  I could feel the calm sliding away the moment I saw her face.  Immediately all the things I had hoped no one would ever hear about me came sliding into my mind.  I wished we had showered.  Maybe she could smell- maybe she could see- my nails were in plain sight.  I felt nauseous, my skin crawled.  I was suddenly aware of a faint itch inside.  Blood rushed to my cheeks.  My hands began to shake. 

“You look so guilty, what have you done now?”  Her voice wasn’t angry, but it was patronizing.  For someone who had picked me and pulled me from my past life she didn’t seem to like me too much. 

“I- I haven’t, I just.  I didn’t think.”  I couldn’t think.  “I just, we were making, I didn’t think it would make such-” It was becoming hard to breathe.  Grey put a steadying hand behind my back.  It didn’t help much.  I put down the shifter and held onto the counter to stop the shaking.

“Nothing mom, he didn’t do anything wrong.”  I shook harder, I knew it was a lie, Carol was right.  I had trouble following rules and I had broken one, an important one.  I was using her kitchen without asking.  I was a guest and I was messing everything up.  I had ignored all the protocols and rituals I was supposed to do since I had arrived.  I had disrespected the elders.

“I’m so sorry!”  The words came out without my permission.  “I am so, so sorry, I will make it up!  I’ll replace everything- I’ll wash the sheets-” The though of laundry brought me back to what lay under my clothes.  I swayed.

“Shh.”  Both Grey and his mother hushed me.  I stopped talking and waited to hear my punishment. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  His mother spoke softly, as if to a spooked animal.  “I should have known to be more gently, it has been quite a day for you hasn’t it.”  She knew.  She knew it all.  Visions of everything I had done floated through my mind.  She knew it all.  Grey nudged me with his hip. 

“Don’t make what we did dirty.  Nothing we did was unnatural, or even that wild.“  He whispered in my ear.  But it was so dirty, even the things I had said made me cringe.

“Oh little one, remember I have children, you do know where they come from right?”  Patronizing again, still I nodded.  Still, I didn’t have kids.  And I still didn’t want everyone to know that I was no longer a virgin.  Especially not anyone’s mother. 

“I just came to see if you needed any help.  Carol said it could be a difficult recipe.”  Grey answered and as they talked I began to calm down.  I had survived the second person, but the idea of facing anyone else still made my heart drop.  Breakfast was bound to be torture.  Wait…

“Why am I not hungry?”  I interrupted whatever Grey had been saying.  “I haven’t really eaten since breakfast, and I didn’t eat much then.”  Both Grey and his mother looked at me warily.  I didn’t think I would like the answer.  My cheeks began to warm in preparation.  “What is it?”  Maybe if I was prepared for the worst-

“Well, if you feed other hungers-” Grey began, but didn’t exercise burn calories, wasn’t sex supposed to make you hungry.  Even my thoughts were embarrassing.

“That doesn’t make sense.” 

“Some types of bindings create energy-“ Grey’s mother began, “The sharing of- certain fluids-” Dear god let her stop.  I didn’t want to learn the answer.  I began smashing the plants in the bowl very vigorously.  Maybe if I didn’t look at her she wouldn’t continue.  No such luck.  “The bond itself created energy, the emotional connection, which is also magnified by the iguana’s poison with the sexual energy.  But also the basic exchange of semen, blood, and saliva can create energy- almost as strong as a spell, but as the energy is undirected, it usually filters back into the- participants.”  I wanted to stop listening, but I couldn’t.  Grey’s hand on my back wasn’t helping; it burned into my skin, reminding me how he had supported my back, my hips.  My face must be the color of beetroots.  Maybe she was close to finishing her explanations- “Also significant events, especially emotional ones, create energy, like conceiving a child or losing virginity.”  I looked up sharply.  Dear god she knew everything.

“I’m not, I wasn’t-” I began without thinking.  I couldn’t finish.  I couldn’t tell another lie.  I could only stare at her wide-eyed and accept the knowing in her eyes.  I felt Grey kiss the top of my head.  I took a deep breath through my nose, and let it out my mouth, I would survive.  One thing at a time. 


Luckily in an hour the mixture was finished and there hadn’t been any more embarrassing topics.  We put the big clay bowl in a corner on the counter and set a timer.  Grey took my hand and we headed to shower, finally.  We went together, but were ‘good’, simply enjoying the hot water and steam together, helping scrub the hard to reach places.  It was soothing and I felt overwhelmingly loved.  When we finished we settled into a couch in the main sitting room.  It was nice to just sit.  I felt almost normal.  Gradually the rest of the family began to filter in.  I wasn’t quite as embarrassed to see them as I was clean, but I still felt a familiar heat in my cheeks. 

It was a quiet evening.  I had always slipped away soon after dinner, so I hadn’t seen how nice Grey’s family was.  I had been too busy resenting being pulled from my old life to see the gentle acceptance of everyone here.  No one teased, well, not with malicious intent.  Everyone was so open.  Somehow after a few hours stories of Grey as a child began to be told.  I found myself giggling into Grey’s shoulder and chest as a picture of a solemn but feisty child formed in my mind.  When the timer rang I had no idea it had been 6 hours. 

Grey grabbed my hand and the bowl from the kitchen, and then pulled me up to the bedroom.  I realized I didn’t know what we were supposed to do with the mixture.  I stood in the middle of the room and twisted my hands.  I really didn’t want to eat it. 

“Don’t worry.”  Grey seemed to read my mind.  “It’s like a lotion.”  Oh no.  That could be even worse.

“Does it go all over?”  Grey nodded.  He stepped toward me and began to pull off my shirt.   

As soon as the mixture was all over my body the itch I hadn’t even noticed began to fade.  I stood like a scarecrow while Grey tried not to laugh.  I thought again how long of a day it had been, and began to laugh too.  Who knew what could happen in just 24 hours.  As the itch faded into nothing I realized I still wanted Grey.  I wanted to wake up in his arms.  I wanted- I made myself think the words- to have sex with him, again, all the time.  I wanted to learn about his family, I wanted to hear more stories about when he was a baby.  I wanted to tell him about me.  As my laughter faded I looked in his eyes, and voiced a sentiment I had never imagined with Grey, or anyone.

“You know.  I think I could love you.”  The look on his face was worth every moment of pain and awkwardness, and his response would live in my heart forever.

“I think I already love you.”

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Blog Share

I was visiting Nephy's blog and found an intriguing post, as I always do :) it was the idea of a blog share which helps blogs people find more blogs to read, and for authors to share their words with more people.  The only rule is to share as well as partake, meaning that not only should you put your own blog out there, you should help others with their own.

This doesn't work with WordPress I am told, but blogger does support it.

So how does it work?  You comment your blog, then I add it to this post.  I will take the liberty of adding Nephy's first since that's where I heard about this idea.

Cool blogs you should look at:

Charcoal Pt. 11

And just before midnight, here it is! A bit short and a lot delayed.  And mostly unedited.  I will do better!  I have been super distracted (an excuse I know) and have gotten out of the habit of writing everyday.  Which is rather bad.   But I will do my best to get back on the ball.  I have also started posting on (oh my goodness so much stress, well the first time)  and I like it.  I also edit before posting so you might want to check there if typos bother you too much.  Anyway enough rambling.  As always comments are wonderful and I love them with all my heart!

Charcoal Pt. 11

With similar promises of secrecy Soul told Scott about all the things he had been holding back.  He told about the voice and the drawings, how sick he felt when he was trying to tell about him.  The dark feelings he had when he was drawing for the first portfolio and how Jon’s eyes had been full of fear.  The only different thing he didn’t share was the fear he felt for the future, and especially for his relationship with Scott.

Scott sat silently though it all and thought.

“You probably have a block.  Like Melissa said.  Your mom probably gave it to you, to keep you away from my mom.”  Scott began when Soul was silent. 

“I guess that would make sense.”  Soul thought back, trying to remember a time when his mother had been anything but perfectly, infuriatingly normal.  “But she never did anything-“

“That you remember.  She was very good with memories.”  Soul sat back against the pillows and thought about that. 

“And is your mom?  What is her specialty?”  Scott sat silently and played with the edge of his pajamas. 

“She does a little of everything.  No one has ever been able to put her in a box.  Even my dad.  He looks like he is in charge, but that is only because she wants him to look like he is in charge.  He does everything she tells him, he always has.” 

Soul thought this over, and what Melissa had said.  If they weren’t all with their mother, would they be with him, was his mom still on his side- any side?

“You are thinking too hard, it’s late.  We don’t have to fix this all now.”  Soul looked at Scott. 

“You look ridiculous just wearing jammies.”  He smiled and ran a hand down the soft cloth.  He felt calmer now.  There was no overwhelming attraction or instant disgust.  He felt himself, neutral.

“Well, one of us has to wear clothes.”  Scott looked pointedly at Soul’s still bared chest.  He seemed to pick up on the calm mood and smiled back.

Soul was glad he was feeling more himself but he couldn’t let it go.

“Why do I sometimes hate you, and sometimes being away from you feels like it would be the worst thing in the world?”  Scott’s smile faded. 

“Well you might naturally hate me, and the bond, even one sided as it is influences you to like me.  But what I hope, and the most likely answer is that the block is trying to keep you away, and the bond wants you closer.”

“So now, I don’t really feel either?”  Scott shrugged.

“Well how do you feel?”

“I feel like-“ Soul had to pause to think.  “I feel like I don’t know you well enough to really know.  I think you look silly in that outfit but not so bad otherwise.”  Soul’s smile returned, and in turn, so did Scott’s.
“Well I could take them off?”  Scott suggested.  Soul shook his head with a smile, then sobered.

“But why?  I mean we are here, where you say it started and that it should be worse here.  Your mom is just down the hall.  Why don’t I feel like-“

“Ripping my clothes off?”  Scott nodded.  “I don’t know.  Maybe because the bond and block aren’t fighting so hard.  You let me in, just a bit.”  Scott couldn’t help smirking at the last bit.  Soul sighed and yawned. 

“Lets sleep.”


The next morning Soul woke panicked, thinking he would miss his writing class.  He sat up in bed before his eyes were truly open and was assaulted by the deep red of the walls.  Slowly his heartbeat slowed.  He remembered where he was and why.  Scott was still sound asleep.  Soul looked down at him and felt little.  Soul was beyond excited that the progress of the night before seemed to stick.  He sat quietly, listening to the sounds of the house waking up. 

Scott began to stir about 10 minutes after Soul.  Soul smiled optimistic about what the day would bring.  Now that he could think and was alone in his own mind, maybe he could begin to look into the possible meanings of his pictures.  But as Scott opened his eyes, Soul knew something was not right. 

Scot sat up in one boneless movement and stared at Soul.  His eyes were bloodshot and his pupils were huge, even for the shadowed room.  Soul stared into his eyes, frozen.  The intense look from the night before was back, threefold. 

“Scott?”  He asked.  There was no answer.  They sat for what felt like ages.  Finally something broke the tension, Soul didn’t know what it was but suddenly Scott was above him.  Soul pushed at his shoulders, but Scott wouldn’t be moved.  Scott leaned in for a kiss, Soul turned his head, but Scott merely went for his neck, licking and biting.  Soul knew there would be a mark.  It felt amazing, but it wasn’t what Soul wanted.  He couldn’t find his words, and his arms weren’t in a position to push effectively. 

Satisfied with the mark on Soul’s neck, Scott moved on to Soul’s bare chest.  He licked at his nipples, then bit the left, harder than anything Soul would ever want.  Finally he found his voice.

“Scott no!  I don’t want this.  Stop please, let me up.”  Scott took no notice, if anything the pleas urged him on.  He continued in a leisurely path down Soul’s sternum to his bellybutton, leaving his marks everywhere he stopped.  Soul was breathless.  It felt too good to continue to say no, but he felt dirty.  He didn’t want this.  But his words turned to breathless moans, sighs, and whimpers.

When Scott reached his pants Soul regained some of his strength.  He pulled at Scott’s hair and pushed at his shoulders, but still his pants came down.  With Scott’s first gentle lick Soul went still. 

Each gentle lick brought Soul higher; when Scott took him in all the way he thought his heart would burst.  Every thought was gone.  His hands clutched Scott’s hair, but no longer to push him away.  Soul wrapped his legs around Scotts shoulders and shuddered, trying to hold back the pleasure.  But it was only a matter of time.

One last time Scott hummed around Soul’s length and it was the end.  Soul flinched hard, as if to pull away from the overwhelming feeling.  The room blurred into a sea of red, the light from the window splintered.  He could hear his own voice calling out, but could not understand the words.  Finally when the world came back into focus Soul looked down at Scott.  He was still licking at Soul, rubbing the smooth skin of his inner thighs.  Soul pulled away, feeling violated and like his skin was being rubbed with sandpaper.  Scott looked up at him, and just as he met Soul’s eyes he convulsed, shooting into his pants and onto the bed.  Soul pulled away with all his strength.  He couldn’t quite believe what had just happened.  When he was finally free he shoved himself from the bed, falling in a heap on the floor.  He scrambled away when Scott looked down at him. 

“What- how could you, I said no!  I don’t I cant-” Soul couldn’t find his feet, he found his back against a wall, he couldn’t pick himself up, couldn’t bring himself to look back at the bed.

“Soul- Soul I am so sorry!”  Soul couldn’t even hear the words.  He breathed too quickly and the world swam before his eyes.  Scott climbed to sit before him.  He took Soul’s face in his hands and forced him to look in his eyes.  They were calm now, normal.  Finally Soul calmed enough to push himself and rush to the bathroom.  Scott heard the water turn on and another figure entered the room.

“Oh my sweet son, I think you have just pushed your little rabbit away.”  Sylvia smiled her fake smile and looked around the room.  “Sweetie, you might want to clean all this up before he returns.”  Scott was at a loss. 

“Don’t just stand there!  Clean!”  Sylvia pointed at the stained sheets, then to Scott’s own pants.  His cheeks flushed as red as the walls.  But mutely he changed his pants and began to strip the bed.

“So, today you will begin your studies with Soul, get him to draw something at this point I don’t care what.  Figure out what makes him tick.  Find his mother and most of all finish the damn bond!”  Sylvia took a moment to compose herself.  She forced her face into another false smile.  “I could still be proud of you, so could your father.  Don’t you want that?”  And in spite of himself, that was what Scott wanted.

Soul stood in the doorway, his hair dripping down his back and his skin scalded red from the shower.  He looked unsure, and Sylvia was happy to take advantage.

“My sweetie!”  She gushed.  “I can’t believe what my son did to you!  It is unforgiveable, but I hope you will be able to.  You know, he just can’t help himself.  He has told you hasn’t he.  It is just too much pressure for someone like him.  You know that isn’t really an excuse, there is no excuse for this kind of behavior.  But it is a bit my fault.  You see when you were a baby I did a little- well.  I might have made it a bit stronger last night.  See Scott has never really been the best with relationships.  I didn’t know he would do something so terrible.  Just come with me darling and I’ll get you all fixed up.”  She swept from the room and took Soul with her, an arm around his toweled waist.

Sylvia dressed Soul, much to his embarrassment.  She picked black soft pants like the night before with a midnight blue long sleeve shirt.  Again it was tailored to show his every dip and curve.  She even brushed and styled his hair, pinning it behind his ears, and lined his eyes in black.  When she turned him to the mirror Soul felt even sicker.  He looked nothing like himself.  He looked vulnerable he looked like an easy target, a victim. 

“Sylvia?”  He spoke for the first time.

“Don’t worry darling, sweetie, everything will be alright.  Just don’t fight so hard.”  She brushed her hand down Soul’s head and he felt calmer.  Maybe he shouldn’t fight so hard.  It was all he had done all his life, and where had it gotten him?  Sighing he nodded.  He let a small smile grace his features and he and Sylvia entered the dining room arm in arm.


Well, it's been forever since I have written anything new.  And I am sorry, I don't really know why I haven't been writing.  I just keeps telling myself I will do it later, then realize it is past midnight.  But tomorrow this will change.  Look out for something new! :)

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Charcoal Pt. 10

It's been so long since I have written, I missed it! So I will post this right now.  Charcoal Pt. 10

Soul fixed his pants and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.”  Scott shrugged

“It’s okay.”  Soul frowned, Scott hadn’t sounded like it was okay.
“I just don’t know you that well.  Just a few weeks ago you were the annoying guy with an easel next to mine.  Now I am supposed to be ‘bonded’ to you.  I don’t even know what that means.  I know nothing about you, yet you seem to know everything about me, and you won’t even tell me that, or what is going on.”  Soul had been planning to stay cool and collected, but he could feel the red of a frustrated blush seeping into his cheeks.  He ran his hands through his hair and tried to calm down.

“Well, I’m not allowed to tell you-“

“Not allowed to?  Really Scott that’s all you can say to me right now?  You aren’t allowed to tell me anything.  Well you also weren’t allowed to know me before taking me here.  Why do you care anyway, it’s not like your family even likes you!”  Soul was panting for breath, again he felt out of control of himself, but in a much worse way than when he was kissing Scott.  He felt angry, hot.  He wanted Scott to feel the confusion and turmoil he felt. 

“Why would you even come back, you obviously left.  You came back to the failure you left.  You can’t even teach me anything and it’s not cause I can’t learn.  I’m waiting here to do my part, even if it will ruin my life, my mother’s life and you can’t even-“

“Shut up.”  Soul was ready to keep on yelling but Scott laid a gentle hand on his thigh.  Soul stared at him, he couldn’t read the expression on Scott’s face, but it wasn’t a good one.

“You are right when you say you don’t know anything about me.  You don’t know hard it was for me to grow up without you, knowing you were out there somewhere.  That you didn’t need me like I needed you and never would.  How difficult it was when I first meeting not to just- take you.  You have no idea how hard it was to not tell you what you are the first time we met.  You don’t know what it is like to grow up surrounded by Talent without it.  You have no idea what it is like to have parents who think of you as their biggest embarrassment and failure.  You were always supposed to be my chance at redemption, but here we are and all you have done is run away.  And now I know I am just as useless as I was always told.  You don’t have to tell me.”  Soul continued to stare.  Scott had no emotion in his voice.

Soul reached out to touch Scott’s cheek; Scott grabbed his hand before he could make contact.

“I don’t want your pity.”

“I’m not-” Soul stopped talking and settled back on the pillows, then sat up straight again.  He felt horrible.  He slid from the bed and went to the door and walked to the lavender room.  He had planned on sitting and thinking, but he was too restless.  He was exhausted, but couldn’t settle.  He went to look around the house.

The furniture was all old and heavy, the hallways filled with art and decorations.  Soul ran his hands down tapestries that were probably hundreds of years old.  All of them told stories Soul couldn’t begin to guess at. 

“My great grandfather did those.  He had a Talent similar to yours.”  Soul jumped, but it was Josie behind him.  Her eyes were red rimmed and her hair looked limp and sad.  She looked nothing like she had when they first met, or even as she had at dinner. 

“Please don’t stare, I know I look horrible.”  She looked away as Soul studied her face.

“You don’t-“

“You don’t have to lie, I know how terrible I look.  I was wearing a lot of makeup.  It is hard for me to sleep.  I try to be excited about having a baby, but honestly- I’m not ready.  I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be a mother.  But well, things happen.”  Josie smiled a bit and stepped closer to Soul.  “But you know that don’t you.  Things have been happening for you too.  Why are you here walking around?”

“I thought you could read minds.”  Soul ran his fingers along the tapestry again.  The fabric was rough against his fingers.  It helped cement the dreamlike world of the moonlit hall.

“Only emotions.  You feel lost, I can relate.  But I don’t know why.”  Soul studied Josie’s small form and sighed.  He had to talk to someone.

“Everything is different than I thought.  I can’t make up my mind about what I am supposed to do.  Everything I am told makes me think I am on the wrong side, but I don’t even know why there are sides.  I don’t know what to do about Scott.  He’s too pushy, but he has reasons.  Nothing is simple.  Everything was simple until now.  I used to draw when I felt lost, but now I can’t even do that.”  Josie petted Scotts arm and sighed. 

“I know how you feel.”  She laughed then.  “Of course I do.”  Soul smiled at her.  It seemed, as unlikely as it was, he had found a kindred spirit. 

“I will tell you my story if you will share with me later?”  Soul nodded.

“I have always been the baby in my family.  The sweet one, the one that wooed all the adults.  I never got in trouble.  I was bonded on my 18th birthday.  Everything I did was to please my family, then to please them and Nova- no don’t make that face, I love Nova.  At least I think I do.  Well then we got married and everything started happening.  My Talent suddenly wasn’t enough.  I couldn’t See so I was useless.  No matter what I did it wasn’t good enough.  Scott went away to school and I was left here.  Everything I felt toward me was disappointment.  From mom and dad, all the visitors we were having.  Only Nova seemed to still like me.  But then I started to feel resentment from him.  I asked what it was about.  He knows what I do of course.  He comes from a small family, and well mine, dysfunctional as it is made him want a big family of his own.  I wanted someone to love me; I wanted to be a success to someone.  It sounds weak.  But you have to remember until two years ago I was the perfect golden child.”

Soul shook his head. 

“I know what you mean.  Well not exactly, but you aren’t weak.”  Josie shook her head and began to walk down the hall.  She rubbed her hands firmly down her sides and sighed before continuing.

“I told Nova I wanted a baby.  He knew I was lying.  Or knew my motives, but he pretended not to, I pretended I didn’t know I knew.  So here I am.”  She petted her softly protruding stomach. 

“It didn’t work.  I still am not back in mom’s good graces.  She thinks I should want more.  She thinks I am not enthusiastic enough.  She wants the baby now.  I don’t know.  Even Nova, he resents that I don’t really want a baby.”  Josie sniffed and rubbed her eyes.  “Sorry, I don’t usually have someone to talk to.”  Soul wrapped his arms around himself.  How could someone be so mean to a sweet person?

“I don’t want your pity.”  Josie’s words brought Soul out of his thoughts. 

“You know, that’s what Scott said right before I left.  I don’t know what to do.  He knows everything about me and I know nothing about him, but we don’t know each other.  He says he knows all about me but we’ve never really talked.”  Josie smirked at him; Soul felt a giggle coming on.

“Not like that.  Really, I just ignored him for about a month.  I have no idea what is even going on.  People tiptoe around it, but I have always been out of the loop, I’ve never known anything.  I can’t pull the pieces together.”  Josie stopped walking and grimaced.

“I feel sick.”  She whispered, then dry heaved.  Soul jumped back from here.  “This is why I can’t sleep.  I do need to rest but this damn baby doesn’t seem to like it when I rest, or eat, or drink, or do anything that isn’t Lamaze or yoga.”  Soul was at a loss.

“I don’t know-“

“Keep talking” Soul nodded than began again.

“Scott says he is supposed to be teaching me something.  I am supposed to be drawing something important but I don’t want anyone to see it.”  Soul felt his own bout of nausea when he considered telling Josie about his forest picture.  “ I don’t know what to do, who to trust.  Why I have to worry about any of it.  I just want to go back to the way things were.”

Josie slid down a nearby wall and rubbed her stomach. 

“I know how you feel.  I wish I could help you more.  I haven’t been kept in the loop either but I can tell you some things.”

“Why are you helping me so much?  Can’t you get in trouble?”  Soul knew her even less than he knew Scott and here she was offering to tell more than anyone had ever revealed.

“Don’t be so suspicious.  I have nothing to lose.  I am as lost as you, I just know a bit more.”  Soul slid down beside her as Josie fell into a story about battles and angels, light and dark, shadows and fire. 


“What do shadows have to do with my pictures?”

“Think about what you draw and I think the answers will come to you.”  Josie was looking decidedly pale but she seemed calmer than Soul had seen her. 

“Well what do the shadows have to do with anything else?”

“You need light to cast shadows.  Have you ever read the Allegory of the Cave?  It is a bit like that.  Think of Scott as the light.  Mom and dad have forgotten all about the story, I only remember pieces, but it’s like this.  The problem is in the cave, or on earth, the shadows don’t tell the whole truth.  The fire is deceptive.  The only way to really know the truth is to travel into the light.  But the light hurts, it burns and pushes you away.” 

“But it doesn’t make sense.  The angels-“

“Soul, I just told you, not all the story is true, and everything is a symbol.  Some are easier to see than others.  I’m just telling you the story as well as I remember it.”

“Where do you come in?”  Soul asked but Josie wasn’t listening.  Her focus was inward.  Finally she spoke.

“I think something is wrong.”  She pushed to her feet and looked down at her feet.  She swayed dangerously.  Soul stood to help her stand when with a soft gasp blood began to drip from between her legs and she began to scream.

Nova was the first to come onto the scene. 

“What have you done to her?”  He yelled and hit Soul in the head.  Soul tasted blood then saw no more. 


Pain woke Soul.  He touched a finger to his jaw.  It hurt. 

“Oh, he’s awake.”  The voice was unfamiliar.  Soul opened his eyes.  The room was softly lit, he smelled lavender.  Soul turned his head slowly to see who had spoken.  It was one of the women from the dinner table. 

“Hello, I’m Melissa.  I am Scott’s oldest sister.”  Soul frowned how had he missed this introduction.

“Hi.”  He whispered.  Something had happened, something bad, but he couldn’t quite remember. 

“Josie is going to be okay, don’t get up.”  But he hadn’t even thought.

“Don’t worry, my Talent if precognition.  You were going to get up and hurt your head.  It would make my mom happy, this Talent, but it only works a few minutes in the future, Unless Michael helps me.”  She smiled dreamily, Soul had trouble following her thoughts.  He supposed being caught up in the future and past would be confusing, even if it were just a few minutes.  “Don’t worry, it usually takes time to find the- technique- that will help you the most.  Scott will figure it out sometime.”  It was also disconcerting to have his questions answered before he thought them.  It was like mind reading but worse.


“We have 5 siblings.  There is Scott, he is the second youngest.  Josie is younger than him, just by a year.  Yes, Scott took a gap year before college.  Or more like he waited to mom and dad to loosen their claws around him.  Then there is Marcus, he’s third then Thomas and May, they are twins.  Then Cal, then me.  Six all together.”

Soul nodded, he wondered where the others were.  He even considered asking looking at Melissa expectantly.

“You haven’t decided to ask out loud, if you are wanting me to answer one of your questions.”  Soul opened his mouth to speak- “They are busy working, well most of them, the others are here, you saw them at dinner...  I would tell you what on but mom told me that you have to figure it out yourself…  I don’t know why, you might have some sort of spy on you, or a block.”  Soul thought of the voice that stopped him from telling about the forest picture.  A spy?  For who?  How would he tell, who should he tell?

“We should probably check on Josie.  She really is too young to have a baby if you ask me.  Not that her body can’t handle it- it’s that her mind can’t and that girl is stubborn enough to make herself sick, I’m sure she could think her way out of having a baby.”  Soul thought of the implications of such a phrase and gulped.  He hoped she was okay.


Josie was sitting up in bed when Soul and Melissa arrived, propped on pillows and sipping slowly though a straw.  Nova sat by her side and clutched her hand.  Sylvia sat on the other side of the bed and glared at everything. 

“You, what did you do to my daughter?  She is supposed to go directly to bed after dinner, and you- I would have thought you would be with Scott.  I understand that he can be useless and a boor, but you seemed friendly enough when you first got back from dinner.”  Soul blushed, his whole body flushing.  She had heard, she had known.

“You silly boy, it is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact you should be more ashamed you stopped.  Everything would be so much easier if you just finished the bond.”  Soul couldn’t answer that.

“Josie needs to rest, to be still and not fret.  So you need to stay away from her.”  This time Nova spoke.  Josie raised her eyes to Soul’s but didn’t speak.

“Will someone help me understand what is going on?”  Soul asked when the silence became too heavy to bear. 

“You truly must be stupid boy.”  Sylvia’s sickly sweet demeanor had completely disappeared.  Soul could see how she was really on the bad side, but how could he switch teams this late in the game, when he didn’t know what was being played.  “Everything is happening.  Everything your cheating mother started.  The cracks between things are opening.  Nothing is black in white, the color is coming and we are still seeing in shades of grey.  You are our chance to see in color and you are seeing nothing.  Our painter is blind!”  She ended screaming.  Soul wanted nothing more than to cry, to run from this place and hide, he wanted to draw and lose himself in the smell of graphite and new paper.  He didn’t know what to do about evil and seeing the future.  He couldn’t and didn’t know where to start.

“Take this useless thing back to Scott.”  Sylvia flicked her hand at the door and Melissa gently nudged him toward the door.  When they arrived back at the French doors Melissa stopped Soul and leaned toward his ear.

“I can’t tell you what is going to happen, but I can tell you we aren’t on her side.  We just aren’t strong enough to lead.  I think you are.  But only if you make yourself.  Talent is just like a muscle.  You have to find it to flex it, and flex to become stronger.  Your mind is stronger than any muscle.  Figure out how to use it.”  She paused as if to say more then left. 

“Goodnight little brother.”  She called as she disappeared around a corner.  Soul wondered why she called him that when he felt arms wrap around him.

“I’m sorry for yelling so much.  I couldn’t bear for you to think of me as they do.”  Soul frowned.  Why did Scott have such mood swings?  He seemed like he wanted to tell Soul everything he was, but then he acted like he hated everything, and Soul most of all, then claimed he was his greatest love, then refused to answer any questions.

“I don’t understand you.”  Soul whispered as Scott pulled him into their rooms.

“You won’t until later.”  Soul was about to ask when later was when Scott kissed him again.  Softly this time, without any unnatural need.  It was almost comforting and Soul leaned into him.

Gently Scott petted Soul’s bare skin, Soul slipped his hands under Scotts own shirt.  He had changed into a soft charcoal grey pajama suit.  Soul nuzzled his face into Scott’s chest when his lips were freed. 

“Why can’t things be simple?”  He asked in a soft voice.  Scott shrugged.

“Because then they would be boring.”  Soul chucked and sniffed.  He wished for something boring. 

“I am bound to you, and I still can’t comfort you.  Do you know how much that hurts?”  Soul shook his head.  “Of course not, but you do know pain.  I have lived all my life waiting for you, and now I am forbidden to tell you anything.  It goes against everything I have, but I can’t.”  Soul suddenly had an idea.  Even if the sides had been drawn in ink he couldn’t see, Soul could make some boundaries of his own.

“Scott, if I told you something and you promised to not tell anyone, would you tell?” 

“I wouldn’t be able to, even if I wanted- if I promised.”  Scott sounded excited.  Soul was as well.  He had an idea.

“Scott, don’t tell anyone.”  Soul waited to see if the voice would stop him from speaking, it was quiet.  “But I think the important picture is the one of the forests of hands.  I don’t know why it is, and I have no idea what it means.  But it is important somehow.”  Immediately a weight seemed to lift off Soul’s chest.  He had made a good decision.  In the depths of his heart he knew he had made the right decision.